Memories of a Reunited Mother and Child

I finally put my mind at ease when I saw my mother. She was overjoyed, like a dog leaping onto me. Crossing the airport, boarding pass, and security checkat least that’s what I feltput me on edge. Holding her hand to show all the various things here, then ordering her some pho because sitting in an airplane for a whole day must be as comfortable as possible.

Previously, when I was at home, I didn’t even know how to drive, and this was her first time riding my car. After finishing the food and walking along the lakeside, it wasnt long before it got cold. The blue hour painted the water with faint golden reflections that seemed to be dipping into darkness. It felt like the worlds first drop of water. I thought to myself. She said she imagined it very beautiful; we arrived at the other side.

I don’t know if it’s because she brought her body’s time zone with her, these many days of fatigue have spilled over. From when I ate dinner to when I got home at nine o’clock in the evening, I felt extremely sleepy. At that time of day, I was still working furiously. Although I was exhausted and weak, I kept reading exams under the desklight. My mother slept beside me; I didn’t want to play with my phone. Just work, then shower, sleep.

Just a minor involvement in one’s life can bring about such profound changes.

This morning, we took my mother to visit some parks, art galleries, cathedrals in the city, and also a coffee shop in the community on her way to work. On this working day, the sun was shining, many people were working at the coffee shops, and occasionally there were people walking their dogs on the street. Everything seemed so peaceful and welcoming. We talked about my mother during our coffee breaks as well. I actually also slightly introduced some of the good parts to her, hoping she can realize that living outside is a good life for me, and that domestic rules may not suit me.

Although there isn’t much planning ahead, but taking the vaccine early would be better.

In the afternoon, we went back home after arriving at the university early to meet our supervisor to discuss our graduation-related things. And my mother was very tired because she just came from America and still has to deal with time difference today. I took her home and slept; then I went to the office alone. It was midweek, but the atmosphere in the department seemed like a weekend; the door of the neighboring office was open, but no one was there, and the assistant professor in the next office was very relaxed leaning back on his chair. The sunlight spilled onto my desk, and it felt as if I had a previous existence. I hadnt really noticed how long the day was beforejust staring at the screen for a little while, then taking a napI realized how long it is. Ive never noticed time itself so muchit seems to be nearly solidified into an entity, and people are not able to resist time. Maybe because of the early rising after such a long time or in the sunlight walking along the quiet park at night makes time stretch out.

Thinking about thinking, then we went to see our supervisor. Back home, two students were discussing some problems, then outside saw a lot of students passing by; the tiredness had disappeared completely. Our daily life returned to normal. Like a world between two worlds separated by a thin filma wind from one can only be felt in another. My daily life and the world’s daily life are divided like that by a thin film. Taking my mother into account, I realized this.

After calling her awake after lying in bed for hours, we went to the lakeside to walk and blow the whistle, then had dinner. Its such a quiet city! Ive never noticed people were so relaxed before. We ate Spanish paella that I really like; ordered wine as well, then drove to the lakeside, walked, waited for sunset. At sunset, the colorful waves reflected on the lake surface, and the light was broken into many pieces; it looked like a rainbow. Not too crowded, but also not too empty.

There were some ducks in the water playing around under the sun, and people strolling along the shore. Not many people though, so no noisejust without being lonely either. There are some ducks on the water in the evening walking around, and people sitting on the grass beside them watching them.

Last night, we took my mother to an upscale restaurant for dinnerit didnt feel happy at all. Even felt like right before crossing into the fear zone, like when depressed people often confuse their own emotions. Its such a happy daygiving her a chance to live a life she has never experiencedhow could I not feel something? Maybe because it wasn’t as happy as I had imagined; maybe I cant even imagine how happy things are supposed to be for me. Also, perhaps I thought taking my family to the place I like would make me feel proud and happy, but instead it turned into a sense of responsibility on mesomething Ive been carrying around with me all this time. Maybe sometimes I wonder: am I taking care of myself? Do I know how to make myself happy? Let alone others.

Maybe that’s why when we went out for dinner last nightit felt like right before crossing into the fear zone, like when depressed people often confuse their own emotions. Even felt like right before crossing into the fear zone, like when depressed people often confuse their own emotions. Its such a happy daygiving my mother a chance to live a life she has never experiencedhow could I not feel something? Maybe because it wasn’t as happy as I had imagined; maybe I cant even imagine how happy things are supposed to be for me.

Also, perhaps because of the long time since coming here, plus the jet lag from being so close yet again. So when we took her home at night after having a chat with her about our doctorate graduation affairs, the tiredness was so complete that she fell asleep immediately.

In the morning, after taking my mother to the restaurant, we went back home; it’s midweek, but around here they seemed to be on holidayno one in the office. My mother is very relaxed leaning against a chair by the window. The sunlight filters through the blinds and hits the desk lamp. I felt like stepping into another worldthe past life was completely different from this now.

In the afternoon, I went back to work early again; my mother just slept beside me on the couch. She didnt want anything except for sleep. My job is waiting for meno time to think about her or myself. Time is something that can’t be helped but affects us.