Reflective Nature Scenery and Inner Solitude

These days’ scenery is indeed beautiful, but because of its beauty, one can only feel melancholy. On the return trip, I seem to foresee my inevitable loss and rot, the sun setting outside my window, the passing of countless hours of time I’ve wasted, the ebb and flow of natural cycles, me striking out against an empty inner world, with my worries encased in a thick mist that clings to my whole body.

I still prefer this more brutal and grandiose nature. With winds like (wxingfeng), cliffs like shou, waves like haowaves, they shake me to my core, making my head spin. My thoughts and emotions are torn apart by the winds, leaving not a trace of myself. That detestable semblance I’ve always thought of is gone.

When standing beside the great lake under a tree that has been there for years, day and night, morning and evening, I imagine it’s listening to the waves all this time, facing the broad lake, if it has any awareness, does it feel the agony and loneliness of being confined like this, along with me?

Perhaps the self-conscience of humans is the root of all our sufferings. The development of civilization might be a mistake in evolution.

Today’s plan was to watch the sunset, but fate didn’t cooperate; there was a thick layer of clouds overhead. Upon reaching the spot, the sky above still had large areas of pale (fan) color filtering through the clouds, and the fall sun emerged from a gap in the cloud deck, casting a deep red streak like blood across the horizon. We’re standing on the cliff edge now, the lake breeze sweeps across us, pushing large waves toward the rocks until they crash to pieces. At this very moment, I really want to die here.